On the occasion of Valentine’s Day, we analyze the logics of sharing food at a time when social norms around dating have, for some, become more complex, and for others, are now simpler than ever.
Food has always been associated with seduction, with the desire to please or win over the object of one’s affection, or as a ritual to maintain and sustain romantic relationships. Part of the social rituals around couples—whether in ancient times when partners were chosen for mere social convenience without any notion of “romantic” love, or today, when partner selection offers various modalities—has always been linked to sharing food, giving or receiving food, or even attributing qualities to food.
For many, these norms or social practices have become more complex. In the age of the internet as a means to find a partner, is it acceptable to go to a restaurant for a first date? Or is it better to just go for drinks, in case the person is not to one’s liking and the date doesn’t have to be prolonged?
In places where dining out can be expensive, is it appropriate to cook for someone on a first date? Or is that too much effort? Can having a first date centered around food enhance or ruin the experience? When we want to end a relationship or discuss a difficult topic as a couple, is it easier to do so over a meal? Does sharing food in a public place help moderate emotions and prevent outbursts in uncomfortable situations?
The answers to all these questions vary, depending on experience but also, probably, on a crucial factor that is shaping the way we relate: the generational gap.
For younger generations, the use of social networks is essential for maintaining relationships. Far from being just a facilitator, this also presents challenges in terms of trust and how much virtuality one can tolerate. For example, couples separated by distance might find it helpful to have virtual dates while eating together. For others, this may seem completely “bland” without physical presence.
Just as the internet is a decisive factor in how these interactions are maintained, today’s food offerings provide possibilities and configurations where formal and “traditional” settings coexist with more informal ones, with variations in spaces, schedules, and even the menus shared in these contexts. The way we eat, in some sense, determines the way we relate. Thus, many couples meet through urban groups, for example, vegans, small-scale producers, people with special diets, or enthusiasts of certain types of food.
Although food remains at the center of affective interactions and relationships, the how, when, and where are finding new expressions that align with other aspects of social life that have transformed, such as belonging to specific activist movements, the use of technology and the internet in daily life, and generational gaps. The foundations of human relationships remain rooted in fundamental aspects like solidarity and reciprocity, which are well demonstrated through food.
— This article was originally published in Spanish by Liliana Martínez Lomelí. Translation generated with AI from the original text.
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